Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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