She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
