stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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