I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
