Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
