She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
