also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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