I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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