Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
