Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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