i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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