I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
