Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
