I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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