Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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