so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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