There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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