This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
