Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
