Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
