I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
