everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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