I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
