but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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