I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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