Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
