its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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