Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
