found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
