Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have feelings that need drinking.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
