I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
