Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
