She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm always down for nudity.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
