im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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