My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
PANTIES FOUND
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