Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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