God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
