Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
