If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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