did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
