Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
