I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have feelings that need drinking.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
