My friends, they love my intelligence
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
