Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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