how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
