is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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