get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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