She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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