Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
