How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
