is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I don't deserve a penis
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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