So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
