I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to be your penis for a week.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
