When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
