i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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