did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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