We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
