I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize