You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
