it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
