At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
