just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
