is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
