Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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