Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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