i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
