im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
