in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
