he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
