We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
