just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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