so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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